Bell & Whistles

By George W. Sarris

I was saddened to learn of Rob Bell's decision to affirm Gay marriage.

It was particularly disheartening for me because I believe in God’s never-ending love for all. Bell came out as a sort-of-spokesman for that view with his book, Love Wins. His support for Gay marriage, however, adds fuel to the idea that all who hope for an ultimate restoration of God’s entire creation are "liberal" and don't base their beliefs on the true teaching of Scripture or find support for it in the historic teachings of the Christian Church.

I don’t fault Bell for his desire to promote more love . . . more fidelity . . . more monogamy . . . and more people who are committed to each other. Those are clearly Biblical themes that should resonate with all those who call themselves Christians.

I don’t fault Bell for questioning the “teaching of the elders” in his desire to awaken a lethargic Church to its true mission of reaching out to needy people with the message of God’s love for all. That is a message that Jesus communicated to those in authority in His day who arrogantly boasted of how they alone knew what God really wanted. Jesus told them to “go and learn what this means – I desire mercy, not sacrifice!” 

I don’t fault Bell for suggesting that many in the Evangelical subculture are judgmental and insensitive to the needs of those who are struggling with their sexuality or pursuing a homosexual lifestyle. We are not called to condemn “sinners.” It was while we were yet sinners that Christ died for us.

I do fault Bell for deciding to base his decisions on what he sees as the trends of contemporary culture, instead of on Scripture.

Culture is Always Short-Sighted

Solomon wisely cautioned – Do not move an ancient boundary stone set up by your forefathers.

I went to college in the late Sixties – during the height of the “hip” culture. Drug use existed before the Sixties, and so had promiscuous sex. But, they were always considered wrong . . . certainly by the Church, but also by the culture at large.

Then, something happened. A Harvard associated psychologist told us that drug use was good. His drug of choice – LSD – would expand our minds. It would open up new windows of wonder. We needed to tune-in, turn-on, and drop-out.  Then, true meaning and true fulfillment would come to the planet.

I knew many who experimented with drugs, only later realizing that fooling around with your brain is not really a good idea. I knew others whose productive lives were destroyed in their quest for the promised meaning and fulfillment.

The contemporary culture back then also told us that what the world really needed was love . . . sweet love. The old morality tied you down with a spouse you may not “love” anymore. It was outdated. It was stifling. Instead, it was good to be free to love . . . whoever . . . and whenever. One of the problems, of course, was that free-love produces babies. When many of the “lovers” learned of the upcoming blessed event, they got up and took off. And, many of the “loved ones” found their return ticket to freedom in abortion.

The Christian Church has never sanctioned homosexuality. It has been around throughout history, but it has always been seen as unnatural . . . something clearly outside of God’s design.

Until now! Now, we are being told it is good.

Compassion and Affirmation

Rob Bell cares – I trust sincerely – for those who are being ostracized unfairly and hypocritically by many in the evangelical church. He also believes God is “pulling us ahead into greater and greater affirmation and acceptance of our gay brothers and sisters . . . “

Jesus sincerely cared for the woman caught in adultery. The hypocritical religious leaders who brought her to Him did not care for her . . . although they undoubtedly had a measure of compassion for the man who was “caught in the very act” with her but was not brought forward!  He rebuked the hypocrites and affirmed the woman. But, He did not affirm her action!

Jesus knew that she misunderstood – and certainly needed to know – true love. But, He also knew that the lifestyle she had chosen would lead to devastation. His words, in accordance with the teaching of Scripture, were “Go, and sin no more.”

The Warning Whistle

Rob Bell has made a practice of questioning the status quo. There is nothing wrong with that. It is easy to assume that what has been passed down to us as Scriptural really is – without taking the time and putting forth the effort to make sure.

But, Bell is not basing his views on Scripture. That is not where he goes to find answers. And, that is where a warning whistle blares loudly in my mind when I read or hear what he says.

Contrary to what many people think, Bell only flirted with the idea of ultimate restoration in Love Wins, and in fact specifically denied that he actually held it. He correctly saw flaws in the belief in Hell that had been passed down to him through the “tradition of the elders,” but he did not have confidence enough in Scripture to really check it out and come to a settled conclusion based on its teachings.

He’s doing the same thing with Gay marriage. He sees some legitimate flaws in the way the evangelical world is addressing the issue of homosexuality, but he does not have enough confidence in Scripture to check it out carefully and formulate his ideas based on what it actually teaches.

Many of Bell’s observations about Evangelicalism today are correct. It is often superficial in its approach to culture. It is often judgmental and insensitive to the needs of those outside its ranks. It is often unwilling to allow others to sincerely question its teachings in their pursuit of truth.

But, the correct way to address the problems is not by affirming what God condemns. It is by doing what Jesus did – going back to the true teaching of Scripture to see what it really says.

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Whatever Happened to "Honorable" Intentions?

In the culture wars we’re facing today, the stakes are high. The battles we win and lose directly affect the legacy we will leave to future generations. So, it’s imperative that we fight the right battles and focus on the right issues.

I am convinced that the recent emphasis within the Christian community opposing homosexuality and gay marriage is actually a distraction from the real moral issue that Christians in our culture should be concerned about.

The real issue is not gay marriage vs. straight marriage. It is not heterosexual sexual activity vs. homosexual sexual activity. The real issue is what is God’s purpose for sex, and what are we as Christian parents doing to prepare our children for successful marriages?

Border Wars

My friend, John, is a former career military officer who has taught me a lot about how battles, including battles in life, are won and lost. One of the main concepts he has shared is what he calls “border wars.” All battles are fought on borders. The goal of the aggressor is to swiftly and continually move the border as close to the heart of the enemy as possible until victory is attained. The goal of the defender is to keep the border as far away from the center of power as possible.

That concept often plays out in family relationships and in society at large. For example, there will be battles between parents and children over a myriad of issues. The concept of border wars says that no matter where you as a parent set a limit – or border – you are going to have a battle. If you set a curfew, you will have to fight a battle whether the time you set is 9 PM, 10 PM or 1 AM. So, set the border where you want it to be instead of where the child wants it to be – and prepare for the fight.

The problem we are facing on the moral front in our society is that we have been setting the borders in the wrong place for decades.

There was a time when the father of a young woman would ask a potential suitor if his intentions were “honorable” – meaning, “Are you interested in pursuing my daughter as a possible marriage partner, or are you just interested in fooling around?” Then, society told us that border was outdated, and we should really only be concerned with making sure our children didn’t “get into trouble” – which translated into “use a condom and don’t get pregnant.” Later, the battle lines were drawn at whether or not it was right to live together out of wedlock. Now, it’s gay marriage.

Why Sex?

Just looking at what we see on the TV screen, the silver screen, the covers of supermarket tabloids, and in the behavior of even Christian teens and adults throughout our society, one could easily get the idea that the primary purpose of sex is recreation. We kiss, we pet, we engage in sexual intimacies of various kinds because they are pleasurable! Isn’t that what you are supposed to do with someone you care deeply about, or find particularly attractive?

No! It’s not.

Our society has focused for far too long on promoting sex outside of marriage as normative behavior to be engaged in casually by anyone older than about twelve. And, the Christian community has fallen into the trap of thinking that as long as our children don’t get pregnant or get someone else pregnant, or acquire some kind of sexually transmitted disease, or become gay – then whatever they do in private is okay.

But, teen pregnancies, abortion, Sexually Transmitted Diseases, pornography, and homosexuality have not increased because we don’t use condoms, or aren’t careful when engaging in sex, or don’t have the right filters on our computers, or don’t have laws on the books against gay marriage. They have arisen because we have failed to successfully understand and communicate to our children and our society God’s real purposes for sex, marriage and family.

There is definitely a pleasurable, recreational aspect to sex that was expressly put there by God for the enjoyment and delight of His creatures. But, that is not its primary purpose. And, it is not to be engaged in casually. The primary purpose of sex is to create life. And, the primary purpose of marriage and family is to provide a safe, hospitable place for the expression of intimacy and the growth and nurture of new life.

Sex . . . When And With Whom?

One of the major problems Christians should be addressing is the almost constant focus on paring up young people long before the feelings that are generated in those relationships can be righteously fulfilled. It is almost assumed today that if teens or young adults do not have a boyfriend or girlfriend, or if they are not dating someone seriously, there must be a problem. But, the dating pattern, itself, is the cause of a much greater problem.

Many years ago, Paul Jehle made a very profound observation about typical dating relationships. They don’t always happen this way, nor do they have to. However, it has been my experience that what he said is almost prophetic.

He noted that dating typically goes through five stages:

It starts with Attraction, and very quickly leads to Pairing Up, which in turn leads toIsolation – spending lots of time alone together.

So far, so good. There doesn’t seem to be anything particularly problematic up to this point. It’s the fourth and fifth stages that lead to a great many young people being deeply hurt, and their ability to experience successful marriages significantly hindered because of the emotional scars that result.

The fourth stage of a typical dating relationship is Physical Intimacy – and it is generally the case that the longer the time together, the more intimate the involvement.

The fifth stage is Breaking Up, which often results in feelings of rejection, shame, bitterness and anger. Two people who couldn’t be separated suddenly don’t want to have anything to do with each other. Then, the cycle repeats itself.

What happens is that this pattern undermines morality, and actually prepares for divorce.

The apostle Paul made it very clear that God desires relationships between the sexes to be characterized by moral purity.

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

Moral purity is not simply refraining from intercourse outside of marriage. It’s keeping oneself pure from all kinds of physical intimacy before marriage in preparation for true physical intimacy in marriage.

But, the typical dating pattern not only undermines morality, it also prepares for divorce by providing training in how to break close relationships. Because there is no real commitment to begin with, there is no need or incentive to work through the difficulties that always arise in close relationships. It’s just easier to break it off and look for someone else. Many today think of marriage in a way very similar to going steady or hooking up. It’s expected that there will be a breakup sooner or later – serial dating that often leads to serial marriages.

Life Partner Relationships

This may sound incredibly naïve, but Christians need to reset the borders back to “honorable” intentions.

We would do well to encourage our children to pursue life partner relationships, and quit engaging in the boyfriend/girlfriend relationships that will almost inevitably lead to emotional hurt and prepare them for failure. The time to start looking for the right life partner is when you are ready to become the right life partner.

Before that, you are just playing with a loaded gun.

In the cultural battle for morality, some people who play with loaded guns shoot themselves and others in the foot. Some people who play with loaded guns shoot themselves and others in the heart.